Wednesday, April 18, 2012

SPECIAL EDITION: A Birthday Wish and the Miraculous Birthing of Our Madame In Chief!

(Click Photos to Enlarge)

SPECIAL EDITION: A Birthday Wish and the Miraculous Birthing of Our Madame In Chief!

Happy Birthday to the Littlest Palin!

What better way to celebrate this joyous day than hear from his devoted mother, herself.
A tale few have heard because the lame media so-called journalists refuse to report on anything positive regarding our Madame POTUS!
But we have the story, right here on Sea4Peeing on ourselves!

We've already seen her absolute love for him on the Campaign Trail and her Book Tours

(His back may have a huge scratch from all that passing him around but he's fine people!
He's a Palin!")

Click this one to enlarge. Such devotion to her little one!

Weeping while talking about finding out she was pregnant.
This Pro-Life Speech in Indiana was phenomenal!

Right to Life Dinner Indiana 4/2009.
To everyone's disappointment Trig was not there.
He had a cold.

The night was all about HER.
SHE was so scared.
She was so brave.
She didn't KILL HIM!

God chose ME! Because he knew only I could handle carrying an imperfect baby
- unlike most people.
I'm special!

Do I look alright?
I know ya'll came to see me - not Trig.

And God said, "Sarah! You are still Young and Juicy.
Those pert breasts can still swell sweet hot dripping Milk!
Tawd can't keep his hands off ya!
Your womb will spring forth a child!"

"Yes, God. I'm young and the hottest Governor, yah know? Tee Hee.
So I got all knocked up and the breasts swelled and all those juicy woman things"

"Obama and his Thugs chanted KILL HIM!
KILL that baby!
But I said NO!
I'm a hero!
You do realize Hero has the word HER!

Wow, What a Lady!
Such tight abs!
She runs!
She's so purdy!
I'd jump those fertile bones!

But what happened in between? Trig was born!
And.. he wasn't just born!
The way he came into this world is a miracle all of it's own.
Dangers, Perils, Risks and a Political Speech that just couldn't wait!

If you thought Queen Madame Sarah was a tough ole' gal before...
just wait until you hear what SHE had to endure to bring him into this world!
It is breathtaking!!

Here it is, folks.
This miraculous tale of imminent danger in her own words.

Madame Queen Grisly Mama speaking to a Reporter after giving birth:

So, I, UH, well, uhm, so 5 WEEKS before I was due I was at an energy conference.
I felt perfectly fine except for all that labor stuff which made me think .. he may be born
now 5 WEEKS early.
I thought, what the heck and called my personal Doctor.
I told her I was at this energy conference and I WAS going to stay for the day.
I WAS going to give that speech that I was determined to do and that I, UH, that
I was going into labor and thought she should know.
She was my Doctor, after all.

So Todd, always at my side, found us an earlier flight home AFTER I gave that speech that I
was hell bent on doing no matter what. It was a tiny bit earlier.
Gotta play it safe, yah know.

Before I got on the plane I called my secret personal Doctor and said
"Yeah, we are going to come home a tiny bit earlier"
and she said "OK! I'll check you on out when you land. Have fun!"

So like none of my babies were ever early.. no need to mention the TWO I lost.
I know my body. I'm a runner, you see.
Like I know what's going on down there in my female parts.
I mean, I wasn't going into like labor.. labor. I was leaking that amniotic fluid stuff - still
not sure what that stuff is for - so it was coming out of me and those labor pains and stuff
and knowing he could be born 5 WEEKS early ..and I lost TWO babies already
but so.. so but we weren't going to have a Fish Picker in Texas.. ain't that right Todd?

So, yeah I was all checked out by my Doctor after flying from Texas to Alaska and then riding in the car during a snow storm for 10 HOURS still a leaking. I just told that baby to stay put!
No biggie.
My goodness it was the easiest labor ever! He just popped out 5 WEEKS early in the little
Valley Hospital that didn't have any of that fancy emergency equipment ready just in case.
Nah, I knew we didn't need none of that stuff. I'm a runner you see. Know the ole' bod.
But so he came out and he was just perfect.
It was all just so perfect.

Ok. So after, uh.. THAT.
So you went back to work. You signed a bill into law right after giving birth?
After all that?

Well, yeah. I mean duh. My staff came to the hospital and I signed it. No biggie.
The State of Alaska, like that speech, see those were my top priorities!
People voted me into office and I do my job and by Gosh I do it!

So, like you said you were experiencing signs of labor far away from home 5 WEEKS early?
You do realize that is 1 MONTH early?
Zero medical intervention except for the phone call in which you told your Doctor
you were staying put because you HAD to give that important speech?
So please tell me more about those labor pains

Uh Well, see people make too much of a big deal out of silly things like that.
I mean, I did lose TWO babies.. meaning they DIED.
TWO of my children DIED in my womb. Gone.
But, I mean, I know my body.
But, UH I knew I might give birth 5 WEEKS early so I did call my Doctor.
Do you know how many babies she's delivered!
Now THAT is what is amazing in all of this.
She's super cool.


Yeah decades of delivering babies.

OK..but back to your labor pains. Your water broke?? While in Texas. ONE MONTH EARLY?

Well, good GOD woman you just won't let that drop, will you?
Geesh I guess if you want to get all personal and stick your face between my legs.
It was just one sign.
But I called my Doctor. I told you that.
I mean, I told her I wasn't coming home but I did tell her I was leaking out that amniotic fluid stuff.

It was 4 am and I felt a strange stirring in my lower gut.

Straight up? Is that even possible given your late stage of pregnancy.

I told you I have tight abs!
So STRAIGHT UP IN BED I shot and I took stock of the situation... I mean desperation for the well being
of this baby overwhelmed me!

I can imagine! So what did you do?????
What did Todd do?

Weren't you paying attention?
I called my doctor who delivered how many babies, Todd?
So called her, like I said, and told her I was staying put.
I absolutely did NOT want to cancel my speech.
I was NOT going to disappoint those folks at the conference, including my cohost, Governor Perry.

But.... you ... uh.. 5 WEEKS early? The speech was all you cared about?
But my.. yes heroic...go on.

Thank you.. so anyway.. yeah I gave that speech and flew home and gave birth and zipped on back to work.
I mean, I'm Alaskan and run. Don't look so surprised.

A Crowded Airplane

Doctors, Flight Attendants help woman give birth on a plane.

Isn't she just AMAZING??
Welcome to this world little boy!
Your mama loves you so much that your SAFETY is always her NUMBER ONE PRIORITY!
Don't you ever doubt that!

Work, speeches, disappointing her colleagues - will never get in the way of her putting you first!

What's going on today?
This story is true! Don't listen to those evil BabyGaters!


  1. You crack me up...anne s! Very funny indeed, nice!

  2. You forgot three pics: The one, where she takes him off the bus in the middle of the night in only his diapers and a T-Shirt, when everyone else wears winter clothes, the one where her mom is carrying him, giving him a wedgy, and the one where he is crawling on the parking lot amidst cigaret butts and glass.

  3. I'll hunt those photos down and add them :D

  4. Very nice.

    Can you explain how sarah got through four x-ray machines? She was proud that flight attendances didn't know she was pregnant. So I take it she went through the machines. How in the world is this possible?